Terms & Conditions

The explanations and information provided on this page are only general and high-level explanations and information. You should not rely on this article as legal advice or as recommendations regarding what you should actually do, because we're a satirical tech publication that once ran a headline claiming Queensland was getting its own space program (it was just a guy with a drone). We recommend that you seek legal advice from someone whose legal expertise wasn't acquired exclusively through binge-watching "Suits."

Terms and Conditions ("T&C") are a set of legally binding terms defined by us, as the owners of this website that absolutely no venture capitalists were willing to fund. The T&C set forth the legal boundaries governing the activities of the website visitors, or your customers, while they visit or engage with this website. The T&C are meant to establish the legal relationship between the site visitors and us as the website owners, much like how a pitch deck establishes the relationship between a founder's dreams and harsh reality. T&C should be defined according to the specific needs and nature of each website. For example, a website offering products to customers in e-commerce transactions requires T&C that are different from the T&C of a website only providing information (like a blog, a landing page, and so on). Our T&C are specifically designed for a website that delivers tech satire with occasional moments of accidental journalism. T&C provide us as the website owner the ability to protect ourselves from potential legal exposure, but this may differ from jurisdiction to jurisdiction, so make sure to receive local legal advice if you are trying to protect yourself from legal exposure. We received our legal advice from a ChatGPT prompt and a magic 8-ball, so proceed accordingly.

By using The Rocket Advocate website, you agree to:

1. Accept Our Content As Satirical: Everything we publish should be taken with approximately 3.7 grains of salt. Any resemblance to actual Queensland tech startups, living or dead (mostly dead after their Series A funding fell through), is purely intentional but legally coincidental.

2. No Warranty of Accuracy: We make no warranties, express or implied, that anything on this site is factually accurate. In fact, we guarantee it's probably not. If you're citing The Rocket Advocate in your thesis, you've already failed.

3. User-Generated Content: Comments, submissions, or any content you provide to our site may be mercilessly mocked in future articles. By submitting content, you grant us the right to use your words against you in perpetuity across all known and yet-to-be-invented media platforms.

4. Intellectual Property: All content on this site is owned by The Rocket Advocate and is protected by copyright laws and startup jargon that sounds impressive but means nothing. You may share our content with attribution, but if you claim you wrote it, we'll tell everyone at the next Queensland tech meetup.

5. Account Termination: We reserve the right to suspend or terminate your access to our site if you repeatedly mistake it for actual news, or use the phrase "disruptive blockchain solution" unironically in our comments section.

6. Limitation of Liability: Under no circumstances shall The Rocket Advocate be liable for any direct, indirect, incidental, special, consequential, or punitive damages arising from your use of our site, including but not limited to emotional distress caused by realising your startup idea has already failed in seven different markets.

7. Governing Law: These terms are governed by the laws of Queensland, Australia, and the unwritten code of startup satire that has existed since the first person claimed their app was "like Uber, but for [something that absolutely doesn't need an Uber-like service]."

8. Changes to Terms: We reserve the right to change these terms at any time without notice, much like how VCs change their investment thesis right after you've tailored your entire pitch to their previous one.

9. Entire Agreement: These terms constitute the entire agreement between you and The Rocket Advocate, superseding any prior agreements, oral or written, and any other communications between us—including that time you DM'd us on Twitter asking if we'd cover your startup that's "revolutionising the way people butter toast.

You agree not to use The Rocket Advocate for:

1. Any illegal purpose, which should be obvious but apparently needs stating

2. Attempting to extract venture funding from our readers

3. Posting unironic comments about how your startup is going to be the next unicorn

4. Creating AI training datasets (our content is already satirical; we don't need hallucinated versions of it)

5. Trying to recruit our writers for your startup's content marketing team

If you have any questions about these Terms & Conditions, please contact our legal department at:

Email: legalish@therocketadvocate.com
Post: Legal Department, The Rocket Advocate Paper, Level 42, The Definitely Real Building, 123 Startup Street, Rocket, QLD 4999

Please allow 4-6 business weeks for a response, or 5-7 minutes if you're a potential advertiser.

The Rocket Advocate Paper: Our terms are less likely to pivot than the startups we cover.